7 Shocking lies we tell ourselves daily that do more harm than we realise.

It all started with a promise.

It was a promise to myself to be honest because honesty is a top three value of mine and is very important to me. Sounds easy, right? I thought it would be initially, but it was and still is extremely hard to do.

I constantly catch myself lying in the most subtle of ways. In this newsletter, I will outline seemingly insignificant lies that almost everyone says daily.

These lies arise for a multitude of reasons, a few being:

• Delaying something you aren't ready to do yet.

• Lying to yourself is often easier than taking the action.

• We save self-esteem by lying to ourselves instead of facing the reality of our inaction.

• To project a potential in yourself or others is not reality.

• Lies to reassure ourselves to cope with inadequacies.

If left unchecked, these lies will hold you back in more ways than you can imagine.

However, it's important not to beat ourselves up about it.Instead, notice and change them.

The ego's lies can no longer function with awareness of them, so let's spread some light on the situation.

We can never see what is without first removing what isn't.

"I'll be happy when…."

Yep, this one stung me personally for a long time.

I was working a job I hated, and I would constantly say:

• "I'll be happy when I'm financially free."

• "I'll be happy when I leave this job I hate."

By saying this, we say, "I won't be happy until XYZ."

We are making a trade with ourselves; we give happiness away because we don't think we deserve it until we get XYZ… Shitty trade, right?

This is one of the most dangerous traps you can fall into because if the goal is ever achieved, you will set a new goal and be stuck in the same unhappy loop for life.

The only two cures to this I have found are:

• Being grateful and happy for what you have now, so say:"I can be happy now while working towards a better future."

• It's also an alarm bell for a problem to be solved or a change made.By all means, make changes and set goals, but be unattached to the outcome.By breaking the goals down, you will feel that you are making progress, which will also contribute to happiness.

"I'll [do X] when [I get Y]."

You will never be ready.

Focusing on what we don't have before we take action makes us feel unprepared and unworthy.

It's the reason I've been emotionally unavailable for so long; I rationalise it as:

"When I've achieved some things for myself, I'll be ready to settle down."

In truth, I've met some great people, but they just never stood a chance because of this lie I was telling myself. In reality, it starts with nothing perfect and being unprepared, which makes us worthy of success with time.

Sure, there are some scenarios where you may need something before you start.Personally I wouldn't go scuba diving without a scuba tank…

But it all comes down to needs and wants.We have no excuse to start as long as all the necessities are there.On the journey, you will find everything you need.

"I'll do it tomorrow."

This doesn't seem like a lie, but it mostly depends on the person's integrity.

By saying, "I'll do it tomorrow," you defer your opportunity to grow today to a later date. It's simply a form of stunting your own growth.

The deeper meaning is:

"It's not a priority now, so I'll wait for tomorrow, a day that is not guaranteed."

When we delve into what we are really telling ourselves, it can quickly become a habit that allows us to easily avoid self-integrity and responsibility.

If we don't trust ourselves, we lose self-respect, dignity, confidence, self-esteem, and many other things. Not to mention, no one else will trust us either…

So instead of "I'll do it tomorrow", tell it how it is:"This is not a priority to me right now."

If you know you should be doing it, say:"If I don't do something now, I'll never start, and my dreams will remain dreams."

Personally, it lights a fire in me. I know that tomorrow is not guaranteed, and all we have is the present moment. So why delay? Start now.

"I don't have enough time."

The truth is there's never enough time; at the same time, there's always enough time.

Elon Musk, Tony Robbins, or Steve Jobs never had more time than you; they just knew what was important to them and managed it better to achieve their goals.

We shouldn't "have time" but rather "make time."

Time is really a man-made phenomenon, an attempt to explain the seemingly infinite present moment. We can "make" time for things by prioritising, but we clearly can't make more present moments.

If you "Don't have time to read or work out."

What you are really saying is that: “It's just not important enough to make a priority and act on it.”

So instead, call a spade a spade, just say it how it is instead of kidding yourself and others. Make time for the things that matter and cut out those that don't. It's as simple as that.

An excellent way to know what's important is to have a clear vision, which I covered in "Psychology of Vision Purpose and Wealth.”

"X will fix all my problems."

I used to be adamant that money would fix all my problems.Like with most things, we age, read and gain new perspectives. 

I thought that the more money you had, the fewer problems you would have.To some extent, that is true. Money can solve lots of problems in our lives; however, I couldn't see the other side at the time.

Another angle is that the more problems we fix in life, the more new ones appear.The more money we have, the more time we can spend fixing those problems and being fulfilled and happy.

On the flip side…

No amount of something will fix ALL problems.It's essential to question the total result of whatever obtaining X will do.

Is there an underlying need or desire you are trying to fill?If there is, it's best to solve it directly rather than buy something you think will fix it.

Problems will occur. It's inevitable.In solving problems, we experience the most growth, so we embrace them.

"This is just how I am."

Are people born perfect?I certainly wasn't, and I don't know anyone who was!

People are largely made into who they are through experience, perspectives, beliefs, and actions, among many other factors.

People aren't great starting at anything, but they can grow into being great.

What we are saying when we say, "This is just how I am" is:

"This is how I am, and I want to feel accepted."

There are many versions of this. Some examples are:

• I'm Unorganised

• I'm Unhealthy

• I'm Always late

By saying these, we not only acknowledge the flaw, but we also identify with it.

These statements are some of the most dangerous things we can do with our words because they leave no room for change or growth.

As I have said before, tell a child, "They aren't a good singer." If the child believes this to be true for themselves, they will adopt the identity of "I'm not a good singer," limiting their growth potential.

So instead, we can say this:

• I can be unorganised

• I can be unhealthy

• I can be late sometimes

The difference is that sometimes, you can have a tendency to act that way, but you are not defined by your flaws. By removing ourselves from attachment to our flaws, we can change them.

"I can change him/her/them."

I once heard the saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink".

It has been true for me, and I constantly have to remind myself that we cannot change people. So many, including myself, have made this mistake.

• You can inspire change.

• You can educate someone about change.

• You can support someone in their change.

• But you cannot make them change.

Making someone do something is manipulation — even if it's for their benefit and your intentions are pure.

You violate other people's boundaries when you intervene to alter things in their lives; at some point, it will cause problems.

The urge to do this is for one reason: a difference of perspective.Only we know our own experience, beliefs, knowledge and awareness.Seeing someone from the outside makes it easier to see their flaws and potential.

I like to think of it like a fish bowl; each of us is in our own fish bowl.The world looks very different from the outside looking in than the inside looking out.

Because of this different perspective, we tend to project ideals onto people, encouraging them or, in some cases, even limiting them. 

So resist the urge, hold your tongue and let them find their truth.

Refusing to lie to yourself builds authenticity, self-respect and self-integrity.

By being 100% honest and coming clean about precisely what's driving us, we can save ourselves and others a lot of pain while bettering ourselves.

We find these lies with introspection.

Some suitable methods I use are journaling, talking with others and meditation.As with everything, experiment and find what works for you.

Thanks for reading!

Until next week,Leigh.